When I’m feeling emotionally vulnerable (as I mentioned this week), I usually sit down at the piano and write. It could be a verse; it could be a chorus. It doesn’t really matter to me. I just sit down and get all my crap out with the piano, my voice, and a few scraps of aged computer paper. It gives me so much solace and comfort. Music sort of says everything I’m feeling without me having to express it. I can trust it to read my mind without judgement or analyzation.
This week, I haven’t been able to write anything – not even a note – and it was so frustrating. I’ve been feeling really stuck and frozen in a personal situation and I just wanted music to read my mind – but it couldn’t. I sat in silence, praying and meditating, hoping a key signature or even a few words would come to mind.
Nothing.
So, I screamed. I screamed so loud at the top of my lungs – and it felt damn good. 
After that scream, I decided to quit wallowing and make something of the beautiful instrument before me. There is this song by Sara Bareilles called “Bright Lights and Cityscapes” that spoke to me the second I heard it. I remember the day…I was driving to my summer course on a cloudy, overcast morning in May and the song literally took my breath away. I’m serious – I don’t think I breathed for the first two minutes of the song!
It’s everything I look for in music: delicate, poised, and straight-forward with a little mystery. It transcends age and generation, and sends chills down my spine every time I hear it. I started learning it by ear last week but, when I got to the chorus, I was stumped. So, I printed off the sheet music today in hopes of learning the chorus and getting a few pages done before getting ready for work.
I learned the entire thing in 20 minutes. When I finished, I just sat there and sobbed. It was the first time I’d felt that physically and emotionally connected to music in such a long time. I know that you understand what I’m talking about. When a song hits you, it blankets you in comfort. It tells you that it’s here and it’s never leaving. You always have music.
It got me thinking about how I’ve sort of put music on the backburner for a bit. It brings me to an intensely emotional space that I have to be “ready” for. I think it’s good because I’m typically so positive and upbeat, but music really brings out that serious, vulnerable side of me. I feel safe. There’s nothing music can say or do to bring me down because it just is. It resides in the same place it was last time – it’s always waiting for me when I need it – and that is one of the most comforting feelings in the world. I feel so free, liberated, and perfectly content.
Okay, loves. That’s it! I just wanted to share a small piece of my heart with you. I’ll catch up tomorrow with lots of excitement from HLS!
Stay lovely,
Heather
Question of the Day: What is “your thing” that makes you feel safe?
P.S. – If you want to hear me sing, click here!
“Find your freedom in the music” my friend.
I hope you feel better soon! Good thing that you’ve found a good and healthy release
This post really spoke to me. I love to sing, I’m a singer. But it’s more than that – it’s an obsession. Music, specifically the special songs that really speak to me and those that I can sing well, is incredible.
I don’t want to say that listening to music, or singing, always makes me feel better, ’cause it doesn’t always. But it always makes me feel different than when the song started. And sometimes that difference really helps me out. Makes me look at everything in a new light. It’s amazing that even just one simple song can do that, but it can. I don’t think it does it for everybody, but it does it to me. And I think for you, too.
Loved this comment, Miranda. It’s so raw and honest. IN LOVE with it! You should post a video of yourself singing sometime. I’d love to see it.
AH! I love it! I know exactly how you feel as music touches me in the exact same way. There have been moments in the recent months where I get captivated by a song, and yes… I have sobbed as well. I get lost in music sometimes, it just brings me to another world where I feel like nothing else exists, nothing else matters. I guess you can call it my safe place too.
I sob because I miss music and singing and the joy of getting lost in between the chords of an incredible piece, but also because of the sheer beauty it brings!! Thank you of reminding me of that place. Hope you are okay girl and have so much fun at HLS! I hope we can catch up soon!!
love that you have that connection with music and being to play it too! I love music for that same connection as well, the memories and feelings that come with it
Nothing like that connection, huh? So special.
xoxo
I LOVE this, Heather. Your passion for music is absolutely beautiful.
I feel the same connection with music and acting. It’s my escape and when I start to push it aside I feel incomplete. I played the piano growing up and I miss it every single day. I was actually just talking with my parents about moving my keyboard to my apartment in LA. Hopefully I’ll be able to do that soon. (:
I love that Sara Bareilles song, by the way. One of my favorites!
Ah, Emily! I would LOVE to see you sing/play sometime. Have you ever thought of posting about it?
I know exactly what you mean. I went to an arts school for high school and studied music at university – to say the least it was many years of intense music study. After university I just felt drained and didn’t play the flute or piano for many months. Getting back into it was difficult – the mixed emotions I had with playing made me reluctant. When I began playing again it definitely changed something! The ties we have with music and the connection we can feel to music have always really intrigued me. Great you are playing the piano!
Wow, girl! You must really know your stuff. I’m self=taught so I’m not as “proper” and reading music is still a little rough. Keep on singing and playing!
This post is beautiful, Heather. I sing, and play piano too, but I certainly can’t write. I am totally enchanted by people who have that ability though. I had a moment like this yesterday, actually! I’ve been feeling really, really yucky lately and I was watching So You Think You Can Dance ( I used to be a dancer too–its another one of my “things”). One couple performed a piece about addiction with “Gravity” by Sara Bareilles as the accompaniment. That song already makes me tear up every time I hear it, but watching it connected to this amazing contemporary dance piece, I BAWLED. Like uncontrollable sobs. It felt sooo good though! Thanks so much for sharing this, and I LOVE your voice! Its so clear and beautiful
Oh, Sloane! You’re so lucky to have the talents of singing and playing piano. It’s amazing how any form of art can literally bring you to your knees, huh? Glad you had a “moment” of your own. It’s much-needed sometimes. <3
I loved this post!
I have two boys and similar emotions of just being overwhelmed are common in my life. I also love to sing. In fact I have been singing since I was really little.
Thank you so much for reminding me of the power of singing. It really is great!
~Heidi (Juicing Blogger @ Juicingpedia)
Thanks for your thoughts, Heidi. They’re always so genuine and kind.
xoxo
My connection is with baking. Something comes over me and calms me. It’s everything I need.
Love this post. So beautiful!!
You’re so lucky to have that comfort and connection with baking, Liz! <3
reading this made me want to listen to your skinny love cover again…and again and again. you have a beautiful talent girl, don’t ever forget it!
Thank you so much, Emily!!! You’re an absolute gem.
I wish I had any sort of musical talent. I can play the opening of “smoke on the water” on guitar but that’s all I got.
Hey, you’ve got that one on me!
Sorry to say my knowledgeof music, intruments, singing , etc, is poop. But I listened to you the link with you singing. And I just HAD to comment! You have such a beautiful voice, and I’m in awe of your piano playing skills, it was a lovely listen in my day:).
Xxx
Thank you so much, Sarah! My heart is literally so happy to hear that. You’re amazing! xoxo
Your voice is so incredibly beautiful. Can I just hire you to be my personal singer whenever I feel emotional?
Um, dream job. YES PLEASE.
I’m lucky enough to have heard you sing in personnnn last night
woo hoo! I’m so glad you got that emotion out there my love. You know I’ve been there with my screaming moments. It’s awesome that something you love, music, was able to aid you in really feeling and experiencing those emotions. Only then can we move past them!
I’m lucky enough to call you my BB!!! Love-ah you.
I wasn’t feeling too good today and reading your post made me feel connected. Surely know how it feels on days like this but I feel safe when I’m singing or hanging out with a close friend. Always feels better when there is someone with you.
Hope you’re feeling much better already
Looks like you were meant to come to the blog today. I love that and am so happy you feel less alone – that’s why I blog. You’re always “safe” here.
WOW sis. Now that I know you in real life, your posts speak to me so much more. I can totally relate to how you feel about this piece of music. I got chills reading this, love. Music does that to me too. It’s a beautiful comforting feeling for sure! I want to hear you sing when I come visit you <3