Howdy ho, rangers! <*Your response is here*>
Sorry, I’ve got Dave Coulier on the brain. Matty and I listened to a great 2011 podcast of him on You Made it Weird with Pete Holmes. It was so strange hearing Joey Gladstone’s voice not acting like Joey Gladstone. Anywho, that is totally not the point of this post. Back to reality!
I took it easier today while still working up a sweat and it felt great! I started off with the Bikini Booty and Bikini Abs routines from the Tone It Up Beach Babe DVD and ended with some chest flyes and chest presses. All I needed was 30 minutes! I’m developing a go-with-the-flow relationship with exercise and I’ll be vlogging about that, along with an update on the bod pod, very soon!
After my workout, I enjoyed breakfast and got some work done before heading to an eye doctors appointment. My eyes are healthy but my bank account is not. Seventy dollars for an eye appointment?! OUCH.
When I arrived home from my appointment, I was READY for lunch. I threw a Hemp & Sage Sunshine burger in the toaster and assembled a raw salad of spinch, kale, cherry tomatoes, cucumber, and sauerkraut.
After placing the Sunshine burger on top of the greens, I topped it with a dollop of hummus and a generous drizzle of Annie’s Lemon & Chive vinaigrette. Divine! Now, I’m almost out of sauerkraut (sacrelige).
I Am Not the Best
While I was in school studying nutrition, I felt so much pressure (most of it internal) to be the best. Because I wasn’t going to become an RD like many of the other students, I felt like I had to prove myself. “Well, if I get awesome grades,” I thought, “then I’ll be able to show others that I’m not less intelligent for not becoming an RD.” I thought it would cancel out the fact that I wasn’t going to complete my dietetic internship. I spent a lot of time and energy focusing on being the best and getting ahead of the game. Looking back on those five years, I know that my internal guide was telling me not to become an RD for a reason. There was something else out there calling me to abandon that path for something else that would allow me to not be the best but to be my own personal best.
I kind of ignored that until this summer and, especially this past Sunday, when I took a walk and just breathed and listened.
This “be the best” mentality is something that I held throughout my entire life, and I know many of you are probably familiar with it too. I always wanted to be the best instead of achieving my personal best. There is a distinct difference between the two.
Throughout elementary, middle, and high school, I would pine to be a part of the “in” crowd. I remember, during my junior year, I started to change the way I dressed and opted for a more bohemian-inspired style and made the slow transition into veganism (so me, right?). This was something that felt very natural to me. There was this one group of girls who would snicker, laugh, point, and discuss my latest outfit almost on a daily basis. They mocked my lifestyle choices because they believed I was some sort of poser. I know this because I heard them and felt their negative energy daily. Little did they know, I was also suffering from anorexia. Now, six years later, two of these girls are daily readers of my blog. Funny how things work out, huh? They’re lovely women.
These experiences and encounters in high school only fueled my desire to be the best (impossible!) and channel all of my energy into self-destructive behaviors. I overshadowed my potential by obsessing over thinness – another manifestation of “being the best.” Recovering has taught me this ever-evolving and freeing process of surrendering. I say this prayer of surrender every day:
Once we believe this, we are on our way to getting out of our own way. Instead of trying to become our worst enemy, we can become our own best friend. A situation we might have formerly viewed as a failure now becomes an opportunity. If we’re working hard and with good intentions, the reason something doesn’t work out is because we are meant to go in a different direction. Our internal guide is telling us something – and that something will take us on the road towards becoming our personal best and becoming that amazing vessel of love for others. Try saying the above prayer (or meditation if prayer ain’t yo thang) and follow it up with this…
Breathe. Listen. Dream it. See it. Reach for it. Grab it. Love it. Live it. J’adore la vie.