This year has been an intense spiritual journey. My life has taken a serious overhaul over the past few months with some monumental changes. I graduated from college and began a new job as a nutrition counselor. I addressed my issue with amenorrhea and how I’m facing it head-on. I have a newfound soul-sister in Kasey and we started the #plantPOWER movement that has been everything and more for us. It has brought us joy, passion, hope, and love. With YOUR help, we have realized that we have a gift of teaching and leading others to optimum health and love to share with all of you through plant-based food. How freakin’ amazing!
However, in the midst of these positive changes and blessings, I have been dealing with an incredibly heartbreaking situation. I have refrained from sharing because writing these words is more painful than I can begin to express. But I also realize that writing is one of my personal releases – and this blog is my mini sanctuary, where I can spill my guts and feel damn good about it. As my fingers rapidly hit the keyboard, my heart is racing and my eyes are welling up with tears. Over the past few months, I have been dealing with my parents going through a very painful divorce.
My small family and I used to be so close. I am an only child, so it was just the three of us. We used to do everything together and shared so much together. We were that family you’d look at and want to be a part of. Over the past few years, I have been forced to become accustomed to a new way of life that doesn”t involve the picture-perfect trio we once were. It happened in slow motion yet at lightning speed; I felt like my world was slowly being ripped from under my feet. And because I was in college and still can’t afford to move out on my own, I was directly effected by a lot of this.
Despite the immense pain this experience has caused, my heart is full – because I have an immense amount of spiritual peace rushing through me at all times. I was led to Spirit Junkie just before my parents’ divorce became official; I was feeling lost and in need of guidance and this book flashed into my life seemingly out of thin air. Reading this book, coupled with lots of praying, yoga, meditation, and support, has led me to a place of inner calm. It’s an incredible feeling, actually. I have to tell you that, if it wasn’t for Gabrielle Bernstein, my support system, this blog, #plantPOWER, and an upcoming honor (details to come in the next two weeks!), I know that I wouldn’t be in this place of inner calm. So, how did I get here? How did I get to feel so much in peace at a time in which my world has turned upside down? The answer is simple: I’m mourning with love, one step at a time.
It sounds like that shouldn’t exist – that this idea of mourning with love is silly and should not be real. But it is real. With every situation I’m presented with (family-related or not), I remind myself that I have two choices: choose to listen to my ego (the direction of fear, resentment, anxiety, and guilt) or choose to follow my inner guide (love). I choose love. I don’t choose to resent my parents; I don’t choose to drown in my own sorrows – because that only leads me further from my truth. Each time I’ve chosen to follow my inner guide, a miracle has occurred: a new opportunity; a sign from my inner guide that I’m following the right path. When we make room for love, there is no room for hate. It’s challenging but it’s incredibly freeing. I can breathe at any point in time and meditate on that phrase every day. And when we truly listen to love, we are given signs from God that we are following the right path and it allows to keep going in that place of inner calm.
I always want to be authentic and honest with you. I always want to be Heather. And part of that is being raw, honest, and real. I want you to know that, while I am positive and upbeat most days, I have my shitty days too. It happens. We all have our own struggles; we are imperfect and/or broken in so many ways…and we have spirit to guide us. Always. And we have our own willpower and life to create – we can push hard and work hard for what we want and we can achieve it. Don’t ever think for one second that you can’t and don’t ever allow a depressing situation to set you back. It will never set you back if you don’t allow it to. I trust my inner guide and follow it – therefore, I know all of my needs are being met.
I’ll end with the quote that has really, truly empowered me through this whole process. It is the serenity prayer. Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, you can take something from it and carry it with you through your days.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
I cannot change my parents divorce but I can control my reactions (support and love instead of rejection and hate). I love you all.
P.S. – Make sure you check out Kasey’s post for some killer side dishes!