This year has been an intense spiritual journey. My life has taken a serious overhaul over the past few months with some monumental changes. I graduated from college and began a new job as a nutrition counselor. I addressed my issue with amenorrhea and how I’m facing it head-on. I have a newfound soul-sister in Kasey and we started the #plantPOWER movement that has been everything and more for us. It has brought us joy, passion, hope, and love. With YOUR help, we have realized that we have a gift of teaching and leading others to optimum health and love to share with all of you through plant-based food. How freakin’ amazing!
However, in the midst of these positive changes and blessings, I have been dealing with an incredibly heartbreaking situation. I have refrained from sharing because writing these words is more painful than I can begin to express. But I also realize that writing is one of my personal releases – and this blog is my mini sanctuary, where I can spill my guts and feel damn good about it. As my fingers rapidly hit the keyboard, my heart is racing and my eyes are welling up with tears. Over the past few months, I have been dealing with my parents going through a very painful divorce.
My small family and I used to be so close. I am an only child, so it was just the three of us. We used to do everything together and shared so much together. We were that family you’d look at and want to be a part of. Over the past few years, I have been forced to become accustomed to a new way of life that doesn”t involve the picture-perfect trio we once were. It happened in slow motion yet at lightning speed; I felt like my world was slowly being ripped from under my feet. And because I was in college and still can’t afford to move out on my own, I was directly effected by a lot of this.
Despite the immense pain this experience has caused, my heart is full – because I have an immense amount of spiritual peace rushing through me at all times. I was led to Spirit Junkie just before my parents’ divorce became official; I was feeling lost and in need of guidance and this book flashed into my life seemingly out of thin air. Reading this book, coupled with lots of praying, yoga, meditation, and support, has led me to a place of inner calm. It’s an incredible feeling, actually. I have to tell you that, if it wasn’t for Gabrielle Bernstein, my support system, this blog, #plantPOWER, and an upcoming honor (details to come in the next two weeks!), I know that I wouldn’t be in this place of inner calm. So, how did I get here? How did I get to feel so much in peace at a time in which my world has turned upside down? The answer is simple: I’m mourning with love, one step at a time.
It sounds like that shouldn’t exist – that this idea of mourning with love is silly and should not be real. But it is real. With every situation I’m presented with (family-related or not), I remind myself that I have two choices: choose to listen to my ego (the direction of fear, resentment, anxiety, and guilt) or choose to follow my inner guide (love). I choose love. I don’t choose to resent my parents; I don’t choose to drown in my own sorrows – because that only leads me further from my truth. Each time I’ve chosen to follow my inner guide, a miracle has occurred: a new opportunity; a sign from my inner guide that I’m following the right path. When we make room for love, there is no room for hate. It’s challenging but it’s incredibly freeing. I can breathe at any point in time and meditate on that phrase every day. And when we truly listen to love, we are given signs from God that we are following the right path and it allows to keep going in that place of inner calm.
I always want to be authentic and honest with you. I always want to be Heather. And part of that is being raw, honest, and real. I want you to know that, while I am positive and upbeat most days, I have my shitty days too. It happens. We all have our own struggles; we are imperfect and/or broken in so many ways…and we have spirit to guide us. Always. And we have our own willpower and life to create – we can push hard and work hard for what we want and we can achieve it. Don’t ever think for one second that you can’t and don’t ever allow a depressing situation to set you back. It will never set you back if you don’t allow it to. I trust my inner guide and follow it – therefore, I know all of my needs are being met.
I’ll end with the quote that has really, truly empowered me through this whole process. It is the serenity prayer. Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, you can take something from it and carry it with you through your days.
“Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
I cannot change my parents divorce but I can control my reactions (support and love instead of rejection and hate). I love you all.
Stay lovely,
Heather
P.S. – Make sure you check out Kasey’s post for some killer side dishes!
Love, love, love this Heather! You know I’m hear for you to listen to everything your going through. And you also know I have the same passion with healing myself through my inner guide and inner motivation. Its something we can definitely relate with. Even though we’ve been hurt in the past the power of forgiveness is so important and so beneficial to not hold onto negative experiences. Yes, to making room for love so there is no room for hate! Love you lady! Skype chat today still?
LISA! I know that you are here for me always – I love you to death.
Heather this is a beautiful post. I truly admire your positivity in such a truly tryin time. I have been there for several friends when their parents divorce, I know it is not easy. Way to keep your head up. Thinking of you xoxo
Thank you, Kaitlin!!! You’re a total gem.
Heather, I’ve been checking your blog all morning waiting for your post! You are such an amazing, inspirational, wonderful woman and miracles will continue to take place in your life. I am terribly sorry for what you’re going through- but think of the impact you can make on others in tough situations. By choosing love and maintaining your peace you are showing others to live with love no matter what. You are incredible and are making such a difference! Congratulations dear! Keep your beautiful head up
Andrea, I just love you! I SO admire your pursuing a medical career – I KNOW how incredibly challenging and mentally taxing it can be. You’re so inspiring to me! Love you, girl. Thank you for your amazing words of wisdom.
So sorry to hear about your parents! Your positivity in this situation is beautiful, and I’m glad you found something that helps you get through it.
Thank you Sam! <3 I will carry those thoughts will me always.
Love you girl! Such a fabulous post! I love how open and honest you are on the blog and respect you for sharing so much personal struggle! My thoughts are with you and I’m always here if you need me!
Love YOU, girl! You are so amazing. Honestly; I can’t tell you how much your love and kind words mean to me every day, Danielle.
Oh Heather! Your words brought tears to my eyes! The way you’re approaching such a heartbreaking ordeal is absolutely beautiful. My heart breaks for you, but I’m so proud of you for facing this head on and finding a way to still feel grounded. I love what you said about letting love in to the situation–when we let the light of love in to ANY situation, we find our strength. My tattoo says “love drives out fear”. My feelings are that hate stems from fear or doubt. Whenever I’m feeling hopeless, I think of those words. I’m sending so much light and love your way, and I thank you so much for sharing such a beautiful, honest, and uplifting post.
xoxo
Sloane! Oh my gosh; I can’t even begin to express how much I appreciate your constant love and support. Your tattoo sounds like the most perfect daily reminder. Beautiful.
Just beautiful. I am so incredibly grateful for you, Sloane!
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through that right now. I’m impressed by your strength and love that’s shining through, revealing your absolutely beautiful spirit!
What a refreshing thing to realize that we have control over situations by having a firm grip on our /reactions/. Thank you so much for sharing with us!
Kelsey, you are just freakin’ wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Your support means the world.
Heather, you are such a strong, courageous, and beautiful (inside and out!) woman to be able to share what you’re going through. Although I did not have what I would consider and ideal family growing up, I never had an inclination that my parents would separate. They went through a horrible divorce when I was in my junior year in college and it completely devastated me. I am still working on the forgiveness thing and do not have a good relationship with my mom as of yet, but my hope is that one day we will get there. You just have to remember that it’s their decision and was not a result of anything you did – I think that was one of the hardest things for me to accept. I had to keep reminding myself that it was not my fault. It’s a sad situation but sometimes it is for the better; you will all get through it. You are such a positive person and are in such a good place spiritually that I have no doubt it will help ease the pain you’re going through. Sending lots of love!
Thanks so much for sharing your story, Kendalyn. It means a lot to me … especially coming from someone who understands and can personally relate to what I’m going through. Your love and support has always made me feel so good. I’m sending lots of love your way, babe!
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. But the way you are handling it is 100% wonderful. You are right in that your parents need your love and support right now. As much as it’s hurting you, remember that it is hurting them as well. It is very hard to feel like you lost your life partner. The one shining light that I can give is that 100% of my friends who are from divorced parents agree with me in realizing their entire family is much happier. Both of my parents smile now, there is no more fighting, my mom is a lot of independent and lives life to the fullest. It does get better. Sending good thoughts and love.
You’re so right, girl. It is painful for ALL off us and that is so important for me to remember. Thanks for your anecdote, too. It is so comforting.
Sorry to hear you are going through such a heart-breaking moment, but I love your approach to this situation. Just from reading your blog in the past year, I know that you and your family will come out of this situation with a renewed sense and understanding of love.
Thank you Jody! Your words are like a blanket to my heart.
xoxo
Hi Heather,
Aside from the current situation take a look at how many great things you’re doing! This blog for one thing is amazing! The Plant Power you and Kasey are doing is so much fun! We all have times in our lives where things get tough but when you try to fill your mind with loads of positivity it really ends up helping you come out stronger.
I’m sorry to hear about the situation you are dealing with but commend you for staying strong and making the most out of the situation. I too have been reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s book and have found it to be VERY helpful. I know were not really “friends” but with having been with your blog for so long it seems like it so if you ever need to talk or anything know that I’m here
Thanks so much Mary! You’re an amazing supporter of myself and this blog. I am so grateful for your readership and friendship from afar! xoxo
Thanks for opening up and being honest! You do always seem so upbeat and positive and I’m glad you felt like now was the right time to share. You are an inspiration to many!
Thanks so much, Michelle! You really are such a sweetheart.
BB I am so proud of you for this post! It’s beautiful and raw and you. I can hear you reading it aloud, it’s your voice. Already loving all the support you are getting. I love you and whatever will get you through this situation is what you need to do. You’ve been doing amazing things spreading love and your light and I couldn’t be in more admiration of you. You blow me away each day with your strength!
I LOVE YOU so much BB! Thank you a million times over. Your support has been EVERYTHING to me. Thank you for ALWAYS being there no matter what. You seriously are the definition of a true friend.
Aw girl I’m so sorry to hear about this! Breaks up – divorce much less – is never an easy thing. My heart and prayers are with you as you deal with this trying time. Glad to hear you’ve found peace. Xoxo
Thank you so much Linz! I can feel your support from here. You’re such a great friend.
Ahh I’m sorry, love!
I know exactly what you are going through. I went through my parents separation/divorce when I was only in elementary school and it is tough. I took it very hard at the time, but I honestly know now that it was for the best. Of course it isn’t easy, but I love that you still have a positive outlook on things. That is honestly the best thing you can do for yourself. If you need to talk please don’t hesitate to talk to me! I’ve been through the entire thing, and I’m here for you. Loveeee you<3
I know that you know what I’m going through, baby! I can’t imagine being young and not having those spiritual tools. My heart goes out to children who are lost at that time. I definitely will talk to you when I need it because I know that you know how I feel. You’re amazing!
Stay strong Heather! Some days will be harder than others but use your strength to get you through. Thank you for sharing your story as I am sure that there are other people going through the same situation who will appreciate your point of view. J xx
Thank you so much, Jayne! Your post made me feel SO blessed. Thank you for spreading your love and kindness. It is certainly NOT unnoticed. <3
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through such a tough time with your family, but I’m glad you’ve found a wonderful way to get through it as this beautiful post shows. Focusing on controlling your own reactions rather than simply bemoaning what you cannot change is such an important “skill” to have in life. I know it’s a mindset I’ve had to make sure I keep in recent months, but it’s very helpful. There’s something very moving about the serenity prayer that makes it incredibly helpful well beyond 12 step programs.
It’s definitely a constant working progress, but that’s just our ego – we have to keep fighting it! Thank you for that reminder, Jordan. You’re awesome.
Heather, my soul sister whom I love sooo dearly <3 this was amazing and I commend you for being able to speak publicly about it! You are a true inspiration and have changed my life forever. I cannot wait to move forward with things with you (gosh, I sound like i'm proposing to you – sorry matty ;] but in all honesty, you are an amazing human being and you are helping so many people! <3 <3 love you forever and i'm always here!!!
KASEY ARENA! I am in tears. You are an absolute blessing and shining star in my life. Without you, I KNOW that I wouldn’t have been handling this as well as I am. I can’t tell you how much you inspire me to BE BETTER and push myself with love. You are amazing. <3
I had no idea you were going through such a difficult time in your life. I love your positivity about life. It always inspires me to see the good in bad situations. Thank you for sharing with us, Heather. I know you can get through anything<3 Much love, Molly.
Thank you so so so much, Molly! You are SPARKLING love in this comment and I love every word. <3
Stay strong! I’m in awe of your positive outlook and courage.
I’m in awe of your support, Allison! xoxo
So; as if I was not proud of you in the first place… keep it up gorgeous. You are defintely on the right track.
As you know I am trying pretty much the same track. You saw this first-hand during your visit to QinetiQ North America in Franklin. You had a terrific impact on my fellow employees.. or as I like to call them.. FRIENDS. Great support network I have! It is truly based upon genuine concern and affection for one another. Love always, Dad
Aww, thanks so much Daddy. I love you! <3
This is a very beautiful post Heather which really spoke to me. I’m so sorry to hear about the difficulties you are facing with your parents separation, yet I am so moved by the wisdom you have shared. It is inspiring that you have found your peaceful centre amidst a storm. I hope I can find mine too… Buyung and reading Spirit Junkie is now my top priority, as I really need to find my inner guide. Lots of love, keep being amazing xx
Sweetie! I KNOW that you will love Spirit Junkie. It will change your life. You are such an incredibly beautiful person with so much love. I know that you will find the power inside of you that you already have to trust your inner guide.
[...] to have discovered her blog. For Heather, ah, where to begin? This strong woman is so inspiring and this week she took a lot of courage to speak out about a personal struggle and share her journey. For [...]
[...] on the topic of beautiful moments; I really wanted to share with you a link to Heather’s honest post from yesterday. Heather' has truly become like a sister to me & has changed my life forever. No [...]
Heather, you’re constant positivity is such an inspiration to me! I’m so sorry you’re having to go through such a tough situation, but I love that you are able to stay so positive and full of love through it all. I’m going through an incredibly stressful situation in my life right now too, and this post was just what I needed to read. Thank you so much for posting something so personal and for being such a beautiful person!
Lea, this is exactly why I wrote this post! I wanted everyone to see that we can maintain a positive attitude when things are not their best…especially those like you who needed the reminder. I’m so happy this post comforted you! <3
I am in tears right now sis! You had me smiling first – yay for a new soul sister! But, it breaks my heart that my sister has to go through this. I admire your strength AND honesty. As you know, I am always here for you. More than you even know <3
Thank you, my sweet friend! I love you so much and feel your support from wherever I am.
Heather this was such an amazing post. I am always so impressed by how upbeat you are even in tough situations. my heart, thoughts and prayers are going out to you in this tough time!
Thank you so much, Hilary. I can feel your love!
Wow Heather! You are such a strong young woman!
So proud of you for sharing this and including us in your journey
I am really sorry to hear that. I can imagine how much it hurts, but you for sure sound like you have a great spiritual and support team carrying you through. Keep your head up and your spirits high. They’ll always love you the same, whether they are together or not.
Thank you Heather, for your honesty and transparency. I can’t even imagine the pain you must be feeling, and I’m thankful that you can share it with all of us and feel some release! My husband always tells me that if I overcame anorexia (and depression), I can do anything…and I think that’s true. You are such a strong and beautiful person, and this will only make you stronger and more beautiful! So proud of you for following God’s leading in YOUR life, not what others think you should do/feel. My prayers go out to you and your family!<3
That was heart wrenching to read because I can only imagine what you’ve been going through. I am so glad you have an amazing support system and have found a way to focus on love. There are so many times in our lives when we can’t change our situations and begin to feel hopeless. You are so spot on with realizing that while you can’t change the situation, you can change your reaction and therefore how the situation affects you.
Love you, Heather. You are so strong and amazing!
Heather, thank you so much for sharing your story with us, your perspective and attitude around the difficult situation is something I highly admire. You and your parents will constantly be in my thoughts and prayers…I completely understand what you are going through, I have walked a VERY similar journey with my family. Your light is an example to so many others who are hurting and I KNOW your story will be used to impact the lives of many. Love you!
I love you so so much. You are SO strong, SO beautiful, and SO empowering. Baby girl you can get through this and through ANYTHING. It’s all about mental strength and yours is incredible. Your ability to exercise self love is INCREDIBLE and you KNOW I am always here for you
)) Even though our Skype sessions have taken a bit of a hiatus I am ALWAYS here!! I love you oodles lady. You are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved. xo mama <3
sending lots of love your way heather <3<3 XO