Warning: Menstrual talk is on the horizon.
It’s been a long road to get my you-know-whatsit back. I first opened up about my struggles with amenorrhea in July, right after Matty and I returned from our Long Island getaway. I was more determined than ever to do everything in my power to get my period back because, obviously, whatever I was doing was not working.
I was discouraged because I thought, after three years of recovery from my eating disorder, it should have already arrived. After lots of daily prayer and meditation, I realized it was time to get out of my own way. I decided to start taking progesterone every three months to produce a period, which has been working really well. I’m happy that my body is responding easily to the progesterone because that verifies my ovaries are functioning properly and that I don’t have any hormone imbalances. The last time I took progesterone was the week of Thanksgiving, so I won’t be taking it again until February.
At the beginning of this week, I was feeling so moody and felt waves of the blues coming and going – very unlike me. I chalked it up to Christmas drawing closer, meaning the reality of this Christmas being the most challenging of my life was being shoved in my face. Not having my family together this year, as I’ve mentioned, is definitely painful. Aside from that, I was just feeling “blah” and having funky ego-derived body image thoughts coming into my mind. I’m not used to the ego speaking so loudly, so it was really uncomfortable for me. I tried meditating and doing yoga through it but it didn’t work. I realized I just needed to feel my shit and reside in that uncomfortable feeling. “That’s not weak; it’s just being real,” I told myself.
Then, on Thursday afternoon, I noticed something: spotting! For the past three days, I have been spotting. It is a beautiful sign from the Universe that lets me know I’m doing all the right things. It also verified my mood swings and funky ego thoughts. I think that a common misconception people have is that you have to stop all exercise, eat a bunch of unhealthy food, and drink Ensure to get your period back. I believe this stems from our Western culture’s desire to get something back as fast as possible and, preferably right now. I took the opposite approach. I’ve been taking it slow.
I’ve been doing yoga and lightweight/bodyweight toning, in addition to increasing my fat servings. According to the RDA, I was previously eating enough fat for the average person at my height. But, when it comes to that macronutrient, I’m not the average person – I need more than the average person. And that’s okay! In fact, that’s great – because it makes me…me. And I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I feel more connected to my body and more content with my lifestyle than ever before.
I’ve made a lot of adjustments. My snacks always include healthy fats. I’ve been loving raw Brussels sprouts dipped in hummus (don’t knock it ’til you try it!), raw nuts, and chia/flax puddings. I have raw nuts for a snack almost every day, actually. For my raw salads, I’ll put 1/2 an avocado onto my salad with hemp seeds or pair tempeh and avocado. For my cooked meals, I typically add 1 Tbsp. coconut oil to whatever I’m preparing. I can’t stress enough to you that eating more fat does not make you fat! So many of us say “I love me some healthy fats!” but still have this underlying fear of “eating too much” of them. I know you’re out there! I was that girl once too. But your body knows best, my friends. It always does. It will never fail you unless you allow its physical exterior to be the driver. Your inner guide (your voice of intuition) is the driver – your physical body is the passenger: just along for the ride.
Be the best version of who you already are.